Hai Ini Bukan Mengeluh (Meski Sebenarnya Mengeluh)
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NURLAELI UMAR- Pernah ada kisah di masa yang lalu, dan kini berembus menjadi angin.
Dia menepuk
pundakku untk sedakadar menoleh.
Tapi,
sayang, langkahku sudah terlalu jauh, dan angin itu terlalu lemah.
Jadi, aku
mengabaikannya.
Pernah ada
kisah di mana luka begitu hebat, dia membebatku begitu erat.
Kali ini
datang di angka-angka yang tertera di kalenderku.
Aku ingin
melupakannya, tapi, tanpanya aku tak ingat hari ini hari apa.
Aku
terpaksa mengingat semua detailnya satu per satu tanpa lupa.
Pernah ada
harapan begitu bintang, sampai mataku silau dan hatiku remuk redam.
Setelah tak
tergapai, sinarku dibuatnya hampir padam.
Tapi, aku
menjadi lupa meski ingin mengingatnya.
Harapan itu
terkadang datang menjadi senandung duka yang berdendang.
Aku
mencintai semuanya, seperti aku mencintai diriku apa adanya.
Meski tak ada
apa-apanya, setidaknya hidup baru satu kali, dan cuma satu kali.
Kau tahu,
semua yang pertama tak pernah bisa sempurna.
Setidaknya
aku mencoba tersenyum, meski aku tahu semua itu hanya pura-pura, agar kau tak
ikut menangis menambah bising dunia.
Jakarta, 121225
BLOG NURLAELI UMAR-
Hi, This Isn't A Complaint (Even Though It Actually Is A Complaint) There was a story in the past, and now
it blows as a breeze. It tapped my shoulder just to make me look back. But,
alas, my steps were already too far, and the breeze was too weak. So, I ignored
it.
There was a story where the wound was so severe, it bound me
so tightly. This time it comes in the numbers listed on my calendar. I want to
forget it, but, without it, I don't remember what day today is. I am forced to
remember every single detail one by one, without fail.
There was a hope that shone so brightly, until my eyes were
dazzled and my heart was utterly shattered. After being unreachable, it made my
light almost extinguished. But, I become forgetful even though I want to
remember it. That hope sometimes comes as a resounding song of sorrow.
I love everything, just as I love myself for who I am. Even
if it amounts to nothing, at least you only live once, and only once. You know,
nothing that's a first can ever be perfect. At least I try to smile, even
though I know it's all just pretense, so you don't join in the crying and add
to the world's noise.
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